It never hurts to be prepared; you never know when the inevitable will happen. In fact, that's why I carry a big bag full of the most random crap. But, hey, this blog isn't about me (it isn't?) so lets not dwell on the random items in my purse (last check - wallet, keys, phone, umbrella, month-old grocery list, credit card bill, two rolls black and white film, two pens, one pencil, Bill Bryson book, random lens cap, tissues, gum, granola bar, one shoe lace, lip balm, colored lip balm, small notebook, saline solution, Madonna "Immaculate Collection CD - don't ask).I know that many of you fiends, like me, were disappointed by the weak Y2K showing. Here I was expecting chaos and disaster, with a bag full of crap that would definitely come in handy when society crumbled, and NOTHING HAPPENED! But where am I going with this? Right, roommates.
So, recently I have come to realize that I must be living with the only human on the planet who has decided that one can never be prepared too early for Y3K. In her infinite wisdom she has decided that when society collapses, the one thing that she cannot be without is frozen foods.
Frozen foods! you fiends are asking? How random can this random blog get? I guess I might as well tell you now: this blog entry isn't actually about Y3K; it's about my roommate, our freezer, and my ice cream sandwich.
Earlier this evening, after a hard day of sleeping, reading and watching TV, I decided that I deserved one of the ice cream sandwiches I have sitting in the door of the freezer waiting to be consumed on special occasions, such as days that end in "y." I went to the kitchen and got said dairy treat out of the freezer, unwrapped it, and took a bite. What happened next is almost too painful to relate. The sandwich collapsed in on itself as all the semi-liquefied ice cream fell out of the sandwich and on to the floor.
After recovering from the shock of my ice cream sandwich's tragic demise, I asked myself that fundamental question that all good fiends should ask themselves when presented with a mystery. What would Matlock do? So I put on my best seersucker suit and set out to investigate.
Upon opening the freezer and assessing the situation, the mystery was promptly solved. The freezer was packed to the gills with every inch of space crammed with one or another frozen goods. It was so tightly and solidly packed that the cold air blowing in from the back of the freezer was trapped in the back, while items at the front of the freezer (such as my beloved ice cream sandwiches) were left to the cruel fate of a slow but sure defrost. Since I only had five small items in the freezer (well, four if you don't count my late ice cream sandwiches) and our third roommate recently told me she had nothing in the freezer, the majority of the frozen foods belonged to my roommate P, generally decent roommate and frozen food hoarder extraordinaire.
Being curious about what exactly was in the freezer, and wondering if my amazing Tetris skills translated into real world ability (i.e. I wanted to repack the freezer so the vents weren't covered), I set out to remove all the items in the freezer.
Fiends and friends, for your edification and entertainment, I present a list of the frozen foods currently residing in my freezer (minus my five small items):
- EIGHT containers of ice cream, ranging in size from Ben & Jerry's pints to Breyers' half gallons
- Two boxes strawberry shortcake ice cream bars
- One container sorbet
- One package edamame
- Three packages corn
- Two-gallon sized Ziploc of homemade bread
- Five lb. package chicken
- Three steaks
- One package peas
- One package green beans
- Two packages mixed veggies
- Two packages pre-made stir fry
- One salmon fillet
- Three boxes veggie burgers
- One package frozen carrots
- SEVEN unidentifiable mystery containers
Out of curiosity I looked in her food cabinet and at her shelf in the fridge. They both contained normal quantities of food, so I could not conclude that she is in the habit of hoarding food. That is why the one and only conclusion that any logical and rational person could come to is that she is preparing for Y3K. The only part of the mystery I couldn't Matlock an answer for is why she does it.
Any thoughts, my fiends?
2 comments:
Oh man, that was funny as hell! This wouldn't be the heat obsessed dance-loving (I shall spare the physical description) roomie of yours, would it? :p
You know what you should do? You should go on a fridge cleaning spree and ask her to clear her food in a day or two. =)
That way, you get the fridge cleared up, she'll eat a lot of food (which is definitely a good thing, from what I know!) - see?
It's a win, win situation. Or then again, she might start dumping things in the kitchen sink, which might be, hmm, let's say, interesting? =)
She has childhood issues. She needs counseling. Sorry about your icecream sandwitches. Hope she buys you new ones.
I would have been a little upset about it. Been there though. In college I shared a four bedroom flat in SF with three guys. They never cleaned, put the seat down, or did the dishes!! At least they stayed out of my food.
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